Solo parenting

How incredibly brave single parents must be

This week I’ve been alone. I’m solo parenting as my wife is out of town. I find it to be an incredibly humbling experience to be a solo parent even for just a week. It’s not so much that the act of taking care of the kids is such a heavy burden, but rather the notion that if it’s not for me, there’s nothing else for them—nobody to catch them, nobody to pick them up from school. That weighs heavily.

And of course, in reality, this is not entirely true. The school will take care of them. Other parents will. They will call my parents, somebody else in my family. Things will work themselves out. And things happen sometimes.

But still, there’s a part of me here that feels the burden, even if ever so briefly, of what it must be to be a single parent. And I think about those parents that do this entirely by themselves, that don’t have a partner to fall back on.

And so really, I suppose this is an appreciation post of my incredible partner, and of all the partners of all the other people with kids around the world. What a blessing we have to have each other, to be able to count on each other and build on each other, to raise kids together and to never feel like if I drop a ball, there’s nobody else to catch them.

It’s just a week. It’s not very meaningful. It’s easy. I have easy kids. I have a good support network. I have a really easy life and a high quality of life because of where I live and my personal circumstances. It’s not an actual burden for me at all in any way, really. It’s a pleasure. But it does make me think, and it does make me consider those parents that do this all by themselves. That must be tough.

The data

One in seven children world-wide grow up in single-parent households.¹ In the US single-parent households have gone from 9% to 25% in the last sixty years, driven by higher divorce rates and fewer kids being born in marriages. In the US 80% of single parents are mothers. 26-28% of those single mothers live in poverty (vs. 5% of married couples).

From this, it’s easy to understand that raising a child alone is stressful and difficult. Data shows the same: the rates of depression and general stress are double that for single mothers versus those with partners.² But unfortunately the stress extends to the child. Kids growing up with a single parent are four times more likely to live in poverty, score lower on school subjects and are more likely to drop out of school.³

How to help single parents

I don’t think it is in the power of many of us to make large changes that will affect how many single parents are out there. However, if you do have single parents in your life and you have some time or other means to help them, here are some specific tips on how you can help them.

Admittedly, taking care of a kid even for a day takes time and energy, but these are the ways that you could help best if and when you can.

Logistics and child-care are intensive and expensive. If you’re able to pick the kid up from school and care for them for a while, you’ll likely help a lot. Specific days and times, every single week. This way, the parent can truly count on help.
In some countries professional childcare can be really expensive. Taking over a day likely helps the parent financially significantly, even if it’s just an afternoon.

A great way to handle this is shared playdates. I remember going on fixed days for playdates with certain friends, and them coming over on other days.

If you’re an employer, flexible schedules and remote work will make the life of all parents significantly easier. Not having to commute saves an incredible amount of time. Flexible schedules allow busy parents to work when their kids are at school, and or sleeping, but not have to worry about dropping off the kid at a particular time.

If none of these are within reach, you can consider donating to a local charity supporting single parents.

1. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/hsr2.2235

2. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11231931/#:~:text=psychosocial%20factors%20associated%20with%20symptoms,risk%20factors%20across%20all%20outcomes

3. https://www.americafirstpolicy.com/issues/issue-brief-fatherlessness-and-its-effects-on-american-society